Heterosexuality
A rural -vs- urban divide?
Last night, after the 4th of July fireworks, I read a classic essay by Fran Lebowitz. I’ve got to say, she has a heck of a title on this one:
The Primary cause of Heterosexuality Among Males in Urban Areas: Yet Another Crackpot Theory
Her learned conclusion?
I suppose that is all well, and fine, and good for those urban male heterosexuals, but what about all the rural guys out there? Are we to be forgotten and ignored?
I say not!
And I’m pleased to inform you that just like Ms. Lebowitz, I’ve got a crackpot theory of my own.
My conclusion?
Heterosexuality among males in rural areas is caused primarily by Blue Jeans.
Specifically, Wrangler Blue Jeans.
Really specifically, Wrangler Blue Jeans worn so tightly by an attractive woman that said rural heterosexual male has to wonder if they were pulled over the hips or painted on the body.
Yep, that’ll do it every time. It’s a scientific fact.
This scientific fact is well known to every heterosexual male who had the good fortune to spend his formative years near horses and his opposite gendered peers who adored those four legged beasts.
For if said Wrangler outfitted woman just happened to put one booted foot into a stirrup to climb up into the saddle of one of those beasts, our male had his heterosexuality truly cemented into his core from that moment onward.
Here in the West we can’t claim to understand those Manhattan folks, so we must, I think, take Ms. Lebowitz’s crackpot theory as true for those men living in that urban jungle. But we must also feel sorry for those poor urban souls who never got to experience the epicurean delights found by the pubescent rural male when he catches sight of that perfectly tight Wrangler jean.
Looking for more rambling from me? I’ve collected some of my recent favorites here.
Don't even get me started about horse women... 🤬
Yup. That will do it every time.