Sorry Mr. Elephant
But you're going to look awfully good with a tuxedo
Many years ago, my boss treated himself to a pair of cowboy boots finely crafted out of elephant. Honestly, as a Republican elected official, that made a good deal of sense. And if you ask me, elephant boots are a darn good reason to be a Republican. Who wants to have to tell people that he’s wearin’ jackass boots?
The boots were cool, other than the fact that he wears Ropers, and the Roper style is just ugly as sin to my eye.
Now, I’ve owned plenty of exotic boots before. Lizards, snakes, even stingray. My current favorites are ostrich. But I was never able to justify elephant. Not just financially, but more importantly, it just wasn’t compatible with my feelings about the importance of conservation. I’m not a tree hugger by any means, but…
There’s a little store in my town that sells vintage cowboy boots. They’ve got a lot of them, but it almost seems to be more of a hobby than a business, as it isn’t often open.
Yesterday it was, so Mrs. Bailey and I stopped in, just to take a look at what was on offer. Not to buy anything, lord knows I need another pair of boots about like I need another hat!
But, we’re lookin’ and I spy ‘em on the shelf.
Elephant boots, in a vintage style, and they seem to have hardly been worn.
I check them out. They are in my size, from a high end maker of the past. (Now junk is sold under that previously venerable old name.) These are old. Really old, but almost like new.
Now, as I’ve written here before, I’m pretty much a Birkenstock cowboy now, so that means that I didn’t have any socks.
I wander up to the counter and ask the lady for some ‘tryin’ on socks.’ Now, before you decide that I’m a complete weirdo, let me just say that most places that sell western boots actually do have ‘tryin’ on socks.’
She declares that alas, she’s got no ‘tryin’ on socks.’
I tell her that’s A-OK, because we don’t live too far, and I’ll be back with some socks of my own.
I do that. Back in the store, I slip into two different weight socks, and try the boots with ‘em both. They fit perfectly, but damn is the leather ever dry. These things have obviously never been conditioned in the 40 or 50 years since they were made. That’s OK, I know how to take care of that.
I walk around quite a bit, just to test ‘em, then wander up to the counter to pay.
Whatever sins may have been committed in the making of these boots happened decades and decades ago. My purchase of them won’t show up on any corporation’s spreadsheets, won’t encourage further such sins.
So, I’m buyin’ ‘em.
Up at the counter, I whip out my trusty plastic.
That’s when she tells me that she doesn’t take plastic. Only real, genuine U.S. Currency.
I tell her that in that case, I’ll have to go to the bank, but I’ll be back.
She says to take the boots home. Pay her later.
Now for context here, I’ve got to mention that I’ve never met this lady before in my life. We chatted a bit while I was trying on the boots, but that is the absolute complete extent of our relationship.
But, she sends the boots with me, on nothing more than a promise that I’ll return.
How wonderful is that, that someone still believes in the power of a handshake?
I figure that she trusted me because of the big ol’ Resistol hat atop my head, not the Birkenstocks on my feet. Who’d trust anyone wearing those ugly damn things? I sure wouldn’t. In fact, I’d probably shout something like ‘begone hippy!’
Now, before you wonder if the awesome hat side of me, or the ugly shoe side of me won, yeah, I did return to pay her. And yeah, I did later confirm that the boots are genuine elephant, made by that venerable old maker long ago.
I’ve got to wear a tux this weekend, those elephants are going to look amazing!
Looking for more? I’ve collected some of my recent favorites over on my LinkTree.
If you want to check out this particular store it is called Cactus Alice’s, and it’s at 108 W. Walnut, Centralia, Washington. She says that she’s open Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays from Noon to 6:00PM. But don’t hold me to that.
That is quite the series of events leading up to that fateful purchase... I look forward to seeing em sometime, I haven't ever seen elephant boots before. Ostrich, kangaroo, and a number of other oddities, but not that.
Sounds like it may be time for a lotto ticket?
I haven't owned horses in many years, but you'll still find me in a cowboy hat and boots whenever I get the chance. A back injury and surgery put an end to wearing traditional riding heels for me—they're just too uncomfortable now. Thankfully, roper heels still work, so while my choices are a little more limited these days, I'm grateful I can still enjoy wearing boots. Sometimes it's about adapting rather than giving things up altogether.