Father's Day Shopping
And forgetting
I almost bought my dad a new pocket knife for Father’s Day this morning.
I was going through my email, when I ran across an announcement of the release of Buck Knives June, 2026 Buck of the Month. I love these things, so opened the email to take a look, and yep, it’s a beautiful limited edition knife.
Scrolling a little further, I ran across another email from Buck, this one with the subject line: “There’s still time to get dad a Buck.”
That sealed the deal for me. I was going to click that link and order him that Buck of the Month for Father’s Day.
Then I remembered that he is dead.
That he has been dead for a lot of years now.
He died on our farm, just like his father and grandfather did. Killed in an accident.
I’d been busy at a convention in the days leading up to my seeing these ads from Buck, and had spent the day before traveling home, so I was tired. I’ve got to presume that tiredness contributed to my forgetting, just for a few seconds, that my father is dead.
But, it probably goes far beyond that. He was such a towering presence in my life, with all of his uniqueness, for so many years, that I suppose his influence remains in most everything I do. That he’s still beside me, throughout my days, not physically of course, but mentally, and emotionally, and spiritually.
And I think that’s what it means to be a father. Not the act of procreation, for spilling one’s seed does not make a father in any sense beyond the biological, but the act of raising and influencing, moulding a child; that much harder act; that is what transforms a man into a dad.
I imagine that it goes beyond that though. In today’s world we have far too many children growing up with completely absent fathers. That makes me think of substitute dads. My own father was involved, not only in raising me, but with my friends, at least a couple of whom were saddled with very poor conditions in their homes. How much impact did he have on their lives while serving as a positive role model, and helping as best he could?
This past weekend I listened as a man talked about his years of involvement with a youth group. About how more than once he stood by to protect a kid while that kid had to have a tough conversation with volatile parents. In a way he was standing as a father at that time, in the father’s role of protector when a child was scared.
Not often, but more than once, I’ve heard men brag about children that they had sired, but didn’t know. That’s nothing to be proud of, rather such men should be ashamed, and if there isn’t, there should be a little corner of hell reserved just for them.
When I die, I certainly hope that three smart and vibrant women remember me as a positive force within their lives. So much of what we worry about in this world just isn’t important. That is. Fatherhood is. Fatherhood in its broadest sense.
It didn’t take me too long to remember that my own father is dead, but the fact that I was able to forget that, even if just for a second, proves the towering influence he had on my life.
Can’t get enough of me? Some of my recent favorites are collected over on my LinkTree.
We live on in the memories we help to create, for better or worse. I imagine your Father would be proud to know he is still considered often and fondly, enough so to enable you to forget it for a moment.
I think if each of us aspires to that level of positive impact in the lives of those us around us we are likely to achieve the same.
I really appreciate the way your post highlights the responsibilities we have to those who came before, and those yet to come.
“My own father was involved, not only in raising me, but with my friends, at least a couple of whom were saddled with very poor conditions in their homes. How much impact did he have on their lives while serving as a positive role model, and helping as best he could?”
As you know, I never married or fathered children. That being said, that doesn’t mean I haven’t had any influence in the lives of those younger than me. How much impact? I will never know; in fact, none of us really know, as even the “student” that learned from us may not realize the lesson they learned from us until months or even years later, and by that time, the moment of the lesson is lost to time.
But on the other hand, I once saw a comment on a post on social media under the “Art of Manliness” posts, where the commenter proclaimed, “I’m retired, and I can do whatever the f!ck I want!!!” and that comment actually got (at the time I saw it) about 350 likes. That angered me to no end, but no, I didn’t respond. You can’t respond to someone who comments like that. They’re too caught up in themselves to realize that there are young, impressionable children and adults who are looking up to them as older citizens to emulate. Fortunately my Grandfather didn’t act like that. We should always remember that there are people who are watching us, looking up to us, learning from us, even when we don’t realize they’re in our presence.
“Not often, but more than once, I’ve heard men brag about children that they had sired, but didn’t know. That’s nothing to be proud of, rather such men should be ashamed, and if there isn’t, there should be a little corner of hell reserved just for them.” Agreed. There was at least one instance where someone we know did locate and establish a relationship with a son who was a result of one of many escapades he had in the past. And even personally, I “gained” an uncle in the mid-1990’s who was able to relocate his brothers after having been given up for adoption back in the early 1940’s. He recently passed, but even my Mother noted that the “new” uncle looked more like my father than the uncle I knew all my life. We could say that a child given up for adoption isn’t quite the same as a “slam-bam-thank you ma’am”, but it depends on the era. Teen pregnancies were handled much differently back in the day than they were even 35 years ago, for example. But overall, bottom line is the “body count,” as they like to call it, is NOT a badge of honor or something to brag about.
Something I remember about being ever guarded and watchful over my Thoughts, Words, and Actions, particularly when in the presence of the general public, ever bearing in mind two key virtues. Silence and Circumspection.