On Facebook, when I'm reminded that it is someone's birthday, I've gotten into the habit of verifying they've had recent posts if I haven't heard from them in awhile for just this reason. It only takes wishing a deceased friend a happy birthday and being told by another friend or family member that they passed months ago to make you feel like a complete ass.
We had a Brother who moved in from Walla Walla, WA to Chehalis on a job move, and joined the Chehalis Lodge. At that point, the Lodge was moribund and not really going anywhere, then the Brother went through the chairs and was installed Worshipful Master at the beginning of 2018. His mentor from Walla Walla came over to install him.
He turned the Lodge around. Members started showing up early, doing degree practices, doing dinners. This Brother was truly making a difference.
But then, two months later, he went what was supposed to be out-patient back surgery, and that one-in-a-million tragedy happened as he died on the operating table. He was 34 years old. It was one of the hardest blows I’ve seen. It was devastating. The Mentor came out from Walla Walla, once again, to attend the Memorial, which was packed.
The Lodge never recovered. It took a tailspin and wound up consolidating 4 years later.
His name pops up on my Facebook reminders to this day. Every other year or so, I do make a post on his timeline about how much a difference he made in my life, and that of others I know personally. I know the family appreciates it, which is great, but I also want to keep his legacy alive. He was an excellent citizen, and excellent Freemason of a very rare caliber.
I went through the same thing recently. Someone I worked with passed over a year ago, I just stumbled on to it. Think that’s bad ? I found out I lost a cousin around the same time (October 23). You drop off social media and YOU are the one that’s forgotten.
>>>You drop off social media and YOU are the one that’s forgotten.
This makes sense to me. Where I work, people come and go, when they go it almost seems as if everyone instantly forgets them. As if they never even existed. I suppose it is much the same with social media.
You are certainly right. I moved a fair distance from my hometown a dozen or so years ago, and now I rarely, if ever, see most of my old friends from there anywhere but online. Something could happen to someone, and I might well not know until well after the fact.
I suppose that as our society grows ever more mobile, this will intensify.
Oh Cameron. I am so sorry to hear about your friend💔But your memory of them and your beautifully written piece is a memento mori of the fragility of our time on this earth…
During the height of Covid Randy and I are cacooned ourselves out here on the ranch, so the CV lockdowns didn’t profoundly affect us, like so much of the population. In fact I embraced it. So, last year I realized I hadn’t heard from a friend I sometimes got together about magic. We helped out her show together.
So I said to Randy, what happened to Shaaron?—I’ll have to call her. Her phone was still working, and I left several messages, emailed her and noticed on Facebook she was no longer posting, her website was up but nothing new on it, and I became concerned about her whereabouts and suspected she had passed. I was right, I finally found a short obituary. But it seemed no one knew she died. No condolences on her FB page. Just nothing. I had search high and lo.
My guess is she died of CV during the height of COVID-19. I feel so bad I didn't stay in better contact with her during that period when I welcomed the lockdowns, and cocooned myself here on the ranch away from people.
My heart goes out to all of us who have had this experience. ✨🙏💜
Thank you Charlotte. It is rather surreal. I feel like in the pre-social media days, we heard when people died. The family would call the close friends, they would call the next ring of friends, and so on until everyone knew. That's rather how I remembered it anyway.
Yes, Cameron I understand, that’s how we did it. All of a sudden they are gone, “poof”. No memorial to attend, no proper respects paid. And you lost your chance to extend your compassion to them as they lay dying. 🥀😔
On Facebook, when I'm reminded that it is someone's birthday, I've gotten into the habit of verifying they've had recent posts if I haven't heard from them in awhile for just this reason. It only takes wishing a deceased friend a happy birthday and being told by another friend or family member that they passed months ago to make you feel like a complete ass.
Yes, I did this once and felt horrible when I found out. So, like you, I learned to verify before posting birthday wishes.
It must be really hard on family members to see things like that as well.
Here’s another take on your Facebook idea:
We had a Brother who moved in from Walla Walla, WA to Chehalis on a job move, and joined the Chehalis Lodge. At that point, the Lodge was moribund and not really going anywhere, then the Brother went through the chairs and was installed Worshipful Master at the beginning of 2018. His mentor from Walla Walla came over to install him.
He turned the Lodge around. Members started showing up early, doing degree practices, doing dinners. This Brother was truly making a difference.
But then, two months later, he went what was supposed to be out-patient back surgery, and that one-in-a-million tragedy happened as he died on the operating table. He was 34 years old. It was one of the hardest blows I’ve seen. It was devastating. The Mentor came out from Walla Walla, once again, to attend the Memorial, which was packed.
The Lodge never recovered. It took a tailspin and wound up consolidating 4 years later.
His name pops up on my Facebook reminders to this day. Every other year or so, I do make a post on his timeline about how much a difference he made in my life, and that of others I know personally. I know the family appreciates it, which is great, but I also want to keep his legacy alive. He was an excellent citizen, and excellent Freemason of a very rare caliber.
>>>Every other year or so, I do make a post on his timeline about how much a difference >>>he made in my life, and that of others I know personally.
That is a really wonderful way to remember him!
I like that.
That has happened to me.
Much to digest and consider.
Thank you.
I went through the same thing recently. Someone I worked with passed over a year ago, I just stumbled on to it. Think that’s bad ? I found out I lost a cousin around the same time (October 23). You drop off social media and YOU are the one that’s forgotten.
>>>You drop off social media and YOU are the one that’s forgotten.
This makes sense to me. Where I work, people come and go, when they go it almost seems as if everyone instantly forgets them. As if they never even existed. I suppose it is much the same with social media.
Please accept my condolences for your loss.
This is so true, and even for friends we once knew in real life, but then we (or they) moved away and we only stayed “in touch” online. It’s sad.
You are certainly right. I moved a fair distance from my hometown a dozen or so years ago, and now I rarely, if ever, see most of my old friends from there anywhere but online. Something could happen to someone, and I might well not know until well after the fact.
I suppose that as our society grows ever more mobile, this will intensify.
Oh Cameron. I am so sorry to hear about your friend💔But your memory of them and your beautifully written piece is a memento mori of the fragility of our time on this earth…
treasure their memory.💖
Thank you very much. I appreciate your kind words.
During the height of Covid Randy and I are cacooned ourselves out here on the ranch, so the CV lockdowns didn’t profoundly affect us, like so much of the population. In fact I embraced it. So, last year I realized I hadn’t heard from a friend I sometimes got together about magic. We helped out her show together.
So I said to Randy, what happened to Shaaron?—I’ll have to call her. Her phone was still working, and I left several messages, emailed her and noticed on Facebook she was no longer posting, her website was up but nothing new on it, and I became concerned about her whereabouts and suspected she had passed. I was right, I finally found a short obituary. But it seemed no one knew she died. No condolences on her FB page. Just nothing. I had search high and lo.
My guess is she died of CV during the height of COVID-19. I feel so bad I didn't stay in better contact with her during that period when I welcomed the lockdowns, and cocooned myself here on the ranch away from people.
My heart goes out to all of us who have had this experience. ✨🙏💜
Please accept my condolences for your loss. It is really sad to contemplate the idea of people we have relationships with passing, and us not knowing.
And please accept my condolences for your loss. ✨💜 The experience leaves you immediately empty when you discover they are gone.
Thank you Charlotte. It is rather surreal. I feel like in the pre-social media days, we heard when people died. The family would call the close friends, they would call the next ring of friends, and so on until everyone knew. That's rather how I remembered it anyway.
Now, people can just disappear.
Yes, Cameron I understand, that’s how we did it. All of a sudden they are gone, “poof”. No memorial to attend, no proper respects paid. And you lost your chance to extend your compassion to them as they lay dying. 🥀😔
It’s difficult to properly keep in touch with the good people we meet, whether in person or online.
These days they can be anywhere. We all seem to have busier lives.
And it can wear a bit being the one to put in the energy of communication while others don’t. Sometimes you have that energy, sometimes you don’t.
But so what. You get out of it what you put into it, or more.
A couple of good experiences can remind you of that, as they have for me in the past year.
Our society is certainly more mobile today than it was in the past as well. And that surely makes it easier for us to lose track of old friends.